Image

A Child of the Universe

I hear the call of the birds and I listen. The screech of the white cockatoo, bellbirds tinkle like drops from a melting snowflake and the whipbird sends his call and snap among the myriad of voices from other birds whose names I have not learned. It is quiet and still this morning and I feel like I am the only human soul on the river. My mind clears of the persistent thoughts that deafen my ears and block my sensory perception.

The world bursts to life around me vivid and sharp, a delight of smells, sounds, feeling and colours. My mind is still and I am one and I am all. I am connected, tapped into the universal energy, nature and myself. My eyes take in every detail. The bleached white bark of the eucalyptus and its dry navy leaves. The spindly royal green nettles of the pine and the beauty of the bowing weeping willow. I breathe in the rugged bushland of Australia and deep gratitude fills my heart for the country that is home. The rocks of different sizes, shapes and varied shades of brown and grey line the water and climb the gorge, spotted with green moss, sapplings and the odd spider web dangling below still glistening with drops of morning dew. Swallows dancing together, dipping and weaving, skimming the water’s glassy surface, bring a playful smile to my lips. The colours look brighter than memory can recall in otherworldly brilliance. The soft morning light wraps gently around me with the gentle kiss of an almost indiscernible breeze. I close my eyes listening to the music of Mother Nature, the joyous song of the birds, cicadas singing in unison announcing the arrival of summer, soft lapping of the water and the deep universal silence beneath. My heart fills with joy and love and I breathe a big sigh of content as I recall a piece of Desiderata;

I am a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars
I have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to me, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

photo credit: Chris_Kluepfel Milchstraße_KR_0001 via photopin (license)

Image

🌻🌞My Sunrise🌞🌻

A poem I wrote in the early weeks in rehab when I didn’t think I possesed ‘depth of feelings’. I was to soon learn when they slammed into me like a Mack truck but this is beside the point today.

This morning I didn’t physically watch the sunrise but I feel it today in my spirit and I see it every time I look at my nieces Melanie and Hayley and into the faces of Melanie’s babies Alyse (Ally) and Isaac.
Think of a drink , think of these faces, they are too precious.

The feature picture was taken by myself one amazing sunrise in Burrill Lake, South Coast NSW.

My Sunrise
By Michelle England

This morning the sunrise belongs to me
Rising in grandeur delighting the sky with his tender hues
Gently, softly, slowly, teasing
And then he bursts in brilliance and glory
Painting the clouds complementing his beauty
The land opens up to accept the sweet gift
Soulful birds singing their descant song soaring
Flowers in worship unfolding faces to the sky

I open my heart and pray
I pray thanks for this morning and the sweet birds
Thanks for the crisp air the trees and the flowers
I pray thank you for life and all things in being
I pray thank you, just thank you, whithout a name

This morning the sunrise belongs to me
A dance in my heart the rhythm of memory
Startling in beauty carrying me away in the moment
Enchanted in joy
There was just him and me
🌹

Image

Let her Go🎈

Let Her Go

By Michelle England

Let her go
Pray she will be set free
Let her be
Let her fly if that’s what she needs
Let her go
Breathe through the pain that’s not what she means
Let her go
Let her be

Let her go
Trust and stay true to me
Let her be
When she is ready she will reach my way
Let her fly
Be there when she is in need
Let her go
Let her be

**Inspired by Passenger’s Let Her Go; which was running on replay through my mind when I was trying to deal with a situation beyond my control or how I’d like it to be. It was either stay in sadness and self pity or breathe, remember her pain, have faith and set her free…

Writing and sharing brings me the grace of peace 🌈

photo credit: Lenny K Photography Hitch Hiking via photopin (license)

Image

To My Readers

For those of you who read my posts and I feel this is very few, I thank you. My purpose is partly for myself as a form of therapy and attempt to understand what I do, but also in the hope to help educate people on the powerlessness of addiction as a disease and not of moral deficiency. I also hope to reach others in my condition as someone to relate to and share with. If I help anyone along the way I am so grateful that I have the opportunity through my words. Additionally I am attempting to establish myself as a freelance writer but this will only be a small part of my blog and a nice light and enjoyable (mostly) thing to share with you as I know of late most of my entries have been quite heavy. I look forward to sharing my progression in recovery and spiritual growth as well as entertaining you with my poems and stories. Please Like and Share my blog so that I may reach more receptive people.

I Love You
Image

Dear Mum & Dad

I’M COMING HOME

I can’t help but feel deflated that my travels are ending like this, or feeling like I am coming home having achieved nothing, once again not finishing what I set out. I know you love me regardless and don’t see this as true. It is hard to admit I’m not OK, that I need to come home. I’ve taken a big gulp of pride and fear of opinions and swallowed it because really it is not important. My well-being is important, connection is important and you are important. I’m coming home because I want to be the best Michelle I can be and right now I can’t do this in Vietnam.

I know that the world will still be waiting when I am spiritually and emotionally ready but first I must surrender my own internal world and stop trying to run the show. There’s a big guy for that and to him I give my surrender.

I might be late 30s but I am always your child and right now I need you and I know you will be glad to have me home. All I ever want is for you to be proud of me. I know that you are. I need to learn to be proud of myself.

I love you xxx

Just float
Image

Just Float

My roller coaster is on the up today. After an extremely difficult day yesterday I woke to a beautiful message from my parents sending me support and love for whatever decisions I make regarding my travels and/or coming home. After a few little tears I pushed myself to get out of my bed and face the day with determination and courage. Sometimes it is tempting to stay under my blanket of self pity and sadness as depression is familiar and sometimes it feels like it is easier just to stay there. But it does not serve me or my use to the world and I recognise this trick of the mind. So I force myself to get moving and without fail I am always the better for it.

The ocean is my solace and always provides me with relief. I dive under the water and feel its smoothness on my skin and my worries and cares slip away. I love to lay under the water and look up through the surface at the sun and blue sky and it feels like I am in a different world, one where everything is OK. I slip to the surface and lay there closing my eyes and I feel like I am being held, embraced and loved. There’s nothing to think about but this knowledge and comfort that everything is exactly as it should be. When I float I feel free and reconnect to everything, the universe, myself and the truth. No matter how I am feeling it is my choice to do so and it is usually my perception, I want things to be different.

This year has been spent in countries of poverty where people have so little but with what they have got they are happy. In Cambodia I observed the men and women of 40 and above and know they have lived through the atrocities of the Khmer Rouge reign. For 4 years they slaved, starved and suffered under the evil, power driven party and a quarter of their nation lost their lives through execution, starvation and hopelessness. Some simply gave up the will to live. Just about every Cambodian would have been touched by the loss of a loved one. If they can rise up to each day and continue then definitely so can I. I look at my pictures and am reminded to be grateful for the countless blessings in my life. I’m sure they would swap places and have my problems in a jiffy, but then maybe not, they know how to be grateful.

So whenever I am feeling ungrateful and unhappy with my lot all I need to be reminded is just float.

photo credit: Marvin Chandra Kat via photopin (license)

Twins
Image

11

11

By Michelle England

I was blessed from creation sharing the womb with another
One egg that split I grew with you sister
11 minutes separated our entrance to the world
11 minutes you waited so we could be whole

11 is our numerology number
1 and 1 side by side we stand together
I miss you dear sister without you I’m incomplete
I beg come back to me please let me in