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Faith

I have struggled to grasp the understanding of a creator….

God?
Universal Spirit?
Energy?

In my finite humanness how can my brain possibly comprehend???

But at times I do

I feel it in nature when I am meditating listening to the music of the birds.
I feel it when I am floating in mother natures freshwater arms.
I feel it when I am sitting in God’s hands behind the waves.

I feel it and when I do I feel myself. It makes me want to be good. I believe I am a spiritual being having a human experience therefore to me there has to be a higher power and somewhere to go home to.

I don’t know what it is or what name to call it but I am doing myself an injustice by denying it because of this. I’m guilty of getting all in my head over it making it more confusing than it need be. This is a fruitless parody because I am trying to learn what I can’t completely know. I am getting to know myself and through this experience I am beginning to know a higher power. If I am open and willing all I need to do is stop thinking, feel and have FAITH

photo credit: Brenda.Moe Miss Universe via photopin (license)

Drowning in deep water

Deep Waters

He reached out from on high and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters.
2 SAMUEL 21:17 HCSB

My best friend of 30 years sent me a lovely little book while I was away in Cambodia. It’s called ‘Moments of Peace for the mornings’ I flick to a random page each day and the passage gives me cause for reflection throughout the day.

Today’s reading was quite pertinent. I have faith in a higher power but I don’t relate to It as God but the Universal Spirit. I can simply feel that ‘something’ is there directing me, guiding me and keeping me safe. I fail to feel this when I am running on instincts, pushing and pulling trying to assert my will and control. Sometimes when I do this I don’t even realise until I am down deep in a sad and confusing place.

I love using analogy’s of water because it is in or around it that i feel most spiritually connected and at peace. Nothing gives me greater personal security, peace and love than when I am floating being held by the universe, protected and safe. After my release rehab it used to be so important to me to pull myself up in the morning and down to the ocean to swim and float followed by meditation. In my meditation I would sense my inner waters. Sometimes they were as noisy and rough as the ocean, sometimes they were calmer. I would use my time in meditation to wait and receive the energy I needed from the universe to calm my internal waters until they settled still as a morning lake. This routine was vital to me to pull me out of the depression and fear I woke with every day. These days life is much less difficult to navigate but recently I had a little while away from the water (accept the rain there was plenty of ‘that’ water) and the effect on my spiritual and emotional stability was huge!! I plunged into my own well of deep deep water and life of became a persistent become a persistent struggle. I blamed this on the rain because I couldn’t paddle my board on the river, swim, float and immerse myself in the sounds and senses of nature. Nothing was different to what it is accept my ability to perceive and cope. I was drowning.

After a couple of weeks the rain cleared so I grabbed my board and hit the water. As I sat and meditated on a rock in the river Somewhere in the darkness I felt the soft touch of universal light and I felt relief. As I breathed deeply I felt I was breathing new air and like I had been holding my breath for those weeks.

On reflection the lesson I learn out of this is that I can not rely on external circumstances to keep my inner peace. This must come from within and be strengthened by prayer, trust and faith In the universe that everything is as it should be. i always have my internal water I will never go dry.

photo credit: chiaralily Falling via photopin (license)

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Let her Go🎈

Let Her Go

By Michelle England

Let her go
Pray she will be set free
Let her be
Let her fly if that’s what she needs
Let her go
Breathe through the pain that’s not what she means
Let her go
Let her be

Let her go
Trust and stay true to me
Let her be
When she is ready she will reach my way
Let her fly
Be there when she is in need
Let her go
Let her be

**Inspired by Passenger’s Let Her Go; which was running on replay through my mind when I was trying to deal with a situation beyond my control or how I’d like it to be. It was either stay in sadness and self pity or breathe, remember her pain, have faith and set her free…

Writing and sharing brings me the grace of peace 🌈

photo credit: Lenny K Photography Hitch Hiking via photopin (license)

Just float
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Just Float

My roller coaster is on the up today. After an extremely difficult day yesterday I woke to a beautiful message from my parents sending me support and love for whatever decisions I make regarding my travels and/or coming home. After a few little tears I pushed myself to get out of my bed and face the day with determination and courage. Sometimes it is tempting to stay under my blanket of self pity and sadness as depression is familiar and sometimes it feels like it is easier just to stay there. But it does not serve me or my use to the world and I recognise this trick of the mind. So I force myself to get moving and without fail I am always the better for it.

The ocean is my solace and always provides me with relief. I dive under the water and feel its smoothness on my skin and my worries and cares slip away. I love to lay under the water and look up through the surface at the sun and blue sky and it feels like I am in a different world, one where everything is OK. I slip to the surface and lay there closing my eyes and I feel like I am being held, embraced and loved. There’s nothing to think about but this knowledge and comfort that everything is exactly as it should be. When I float I feel free and reconnect to everything, the universe, myself and the truth. No matter how I am feeling it is my choice to do so and it is usually my perception, I want things to be different.

This year has been spent in countries of poverty where people have so little but with what they have got they are happy. In Cambodia I observed the men and women of 40 and above and know they have lived through the atrocities of the Khmer Rouge reign. For 4 years they slaved, starved and suffered under the evil, power driven party and a quarter of their nation lost their lives through execution, starvation and hopelessness. Some simply gave up the will to live. Just about every Cambodian would have been touched by the loss of a loved one. If they can rise up to each day and continue then definitely so can I. I look at my pictures and am reminded to be grateful for the countless blessings in my life. I’m sure they would swap places and have my problems in a jiffy, but then maybe not, they know how to be grateful.

So whenever I am feeling ungrateful and unhappy with my lot all I need to be reminded is just float.

photo credit: Marvin Chandra Kat via photopin (license)