Jack in a box
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Meet Jack

I’ve named my addict Jack.

Lately I have felt like a Jack in a Box. Each night I pop Jack down on his spring and push the lid shut. I go to bed relieved, grateful to get through the day. Sometimes I physically exhale a huge breath as I thank God for another sober day because I was sure I wouldn’t get through it dry. In the morning I wake and the box is there, my first thought. Most mornings I manage my prayers and begin my day but invariably somewhere throughout the day he springs and frightens the crap out of me.

I imagine my Jack as a maniac circus clown, crazy hair, big red contemptuous smile, wild open eyes, total madness behind, and the long cackling laughter of the insane. In one hand he grasps the neck of an open bottle of red, crimson liquid spilling and splashing as he boings this way and that, jesting away on his spring. In the other hand Jack holds a spliff, waving it around, smoke coiling from the glowing tip. Devil knows what he has concealed in his pockets ready to spring at me any time. And there Jack remains bouncing all day around and around in my head, trying to take control, playing his tricks and whispering in my mind.

There’s a bridge nearby and Jack has an idea. “Why not stash some booze under the bridge. Tell the folks you are going for a walk because that’s normal anyway, no suspicion there.” When I am alone on my bed he has more super ideas, “Why not Google the closest pub, bottlo or club to the house, that’s handy information to have we might just go there. I bet they have good food.” Such a clever fellow my Jack, “We’re in Qld, lets go home Mum and Dad won’t be back for a while, lots of drinking time just have to hide it from bro.” Or “There’s white in the fridge and red in the pantry, both in casks, just one of each, they won’t know.” He has countless more inventive and of course foolproof ideas but I’ll share just one more of his genius suggestions. **”Uncle Jack gave you a flask, let’s take it to a meeting and on the way back fill it with booze and no one will know, they’ll just think it’s water in there. And, Oh don’t forget Vodka doesn’t smell.”

Thankfully I have been smarter than Jack and today I am winning. Each attempt of Jack’s that I have resisted has made me stronger and tonight when I put that lid on his box I’ll glue the damn thing shut, wrap it in duct tape and throw it away. If he comes back I’ll have to call him Houdini.

I look forward to tomorrow as Jack fades from my mind and each day gets better and the insanity fades. Today my heart is filled with hope and plans for a bright future, love of my family and service to others.

I think I’ll get a new box with an angel inside… And if Jack reappears my angel has got gloves and isn’t too holy to use them!!!

Blessed šŸ™‚

**My real Uncle Jack and a water flask not a hip flask

confusion
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ThE DaRk fAiR

The Dark Fair

By Michelle England

Mechanical music spins behind my open eyes
Variegated colours entice my tenuous spirit
I close my ears and shut my eyes as Iā€™m drawn against my will

Maybe if I fall asleep I might wake up
Maybe if I look back I might move ahead
Maybe if I fall to my knees I might rise up
Maybe if I remember to just breathe
Now whatever I put out will be reflected back
The world will unfold regardless of what I decide
In hiding I expose myself to my soul
My inner child wails crying out to be heard

But I turn my ears from the truth
I close my eyes to the light
The grey comfort of numbness deludes me
A Deception so cunning
My monster clothed in a different mask
Distorted music playing this fake parallel
Paradoxically jovial and insipidly drab

The carousel keeps on slowly spinning
Crazy unicorns grin madly teeth flailing
Dirty and dancing their infinite revolve

A cackle of insanity reaches my ears
Taking my breath in its sound
I realise I don’t want to be here
But I can’t find my way through the maze

Welcome to the carnival
Welcome to the dark fair

photo credit: Craig Walkowicz Illusion of Chaos via photopin (license)