A quick catch up
I have been neglectful of my page of late.
Time got away between posts and my motivation waned.
I didn’t think anyone was reading.
I forgot why I am writing this blog.
I started this blog for freelance writing purposes. It was required of me to set up a page and start running a blog (at my own cost) in order to have a freelance article published online (Paid less than said cost) I was also required to continue my blog in order to be invited to write for this online publication again. The invite never came and that’s no biggy really. When I set up this page I wondered what I could possibly share that others might wish to read. Then it struck me. My recovery from alcohol dependence is the biggest thing in my life. I know many others struggle from addiction and so off I went. I hoped that somewhere in my words that even just one person may benefit. I also hoped that readers would enjoy my writing. Something amazing began to happen. I thoroughly enjoyed the process and it became very therapeutic for me also.
I can’t identify now where I was at personally when I stopped sharing. I didn’t write for a day or two which slipped into a week, 2, a month etc……
Up popped self, pride and ego –
No one is reading anyway why bother – Silly because I had discovered I was largely doing this for myself and if others read then great. if someone was helped FANTASTIC..
I’ve had feedback and suggestion that I am writing my blog out of ego – No. It became a simple process of enjoying what I was doing. An outlet for my struggles and emotions. A genuine desire that my words may help another.
I had other things to do – Well.. there’s always ‘other’ things to do. Sometimes I forget what is important to me and do other things that provide a quick gratification. I neglect things that have a less noticeable, slow but sustainable result.
I have a tendency to overthink things and I got into my head questioning my motives and wondering if this was a grab for attention. I have recognised that in the past I have been someone who needed attention. I’d tell you otherwise and that I hated both yet I have covered myself in attention grabbing tattoos, was competing in my sports to receive the accolades, I’d never do something small; if I going to enter a run I wouldn’t just do the 10km I’d do the marathon, I entered a 110km overnight paddle race on the Hawkesbury River when I had been paddling just 6 months (I was on a SUP and stacked it at 77km and quit. Ouch for my ego) In rehab I kept the attention on me by loosing 12kg anorexic like while most putt the weight on… Attention attention attention… So i began to wonder if this was another manifestation of that.. You know what it is not. I enjoy this and if others do too that’s great.
I’m back 🙂