New Direction

Hellooooo…

So I have been struggling to continue this platform I was once enjoying so much and finding very beneficial and therapeutic.
I have found a new direction for my blog.
I want my blog to be positive but still a place to dissect the struggles, thoughts and feelings and feelings associated with addictions.
I start my mornings with a program of prayer, reading and meditation (i try to anyway but I’m not perfect). On my blog I will be sharing some positive thoughts for the day. I will still be true to where I am at personally but I will not vomit any woe is me attitudes. I wish to uplift myself and anyone else reading my pade.

๐Ÿ™‚

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Hi There

A quick catch up

Hi there.
I have been neglectful of my page of late.
Why?
Hmm…

Time got away between posts and my motivation waned.

I didn’t think anyone was reading.

I forgot why I am writing this blog.

I started this blog for freelance writing purposes. It was required of me to set up a page and start running a blog (at my own cost) in order to have a freelance article published online (Paid less than said cost) I was also required to continue my blog in order to be invited to write for this online publication again. The invite never came and that’s no biggy really. When I set up this page I wondered what I could possibly share that others might wish to read. Then it struck me. My recovery from alcohol dependence is the biggest thing in my life. I know many others struggle from addiction and so off I went. I hoped that somewhere in my words that even just one person may benefit. I also hoped that readers would enjoy my writing. Something amazing began to happen. I thoroughly enjoyed the process and it became very therapeutic for me also.

I can’t identify now where I was at personally when I stopped sharing. I didn’t write for a day or two which slipped into a week, 2, a month etc……

Up popped self, pride and ego –

No one is reading anyway why bother – Silly because I had discovered I was largely doing this for myself and if others read then great. if someone was helped FANTASTIC..

I’ve had feedback and suggestion that I am writing my blog out of ego – No. It became a simple process of enjoying what I was doing. An outlet for my struggles and emotions. A genuine desire that my words may help another.

I had other things to do – Well.. there’s always ‘other’ things to do. Sometimes I forget what is important to me and do other things that provide a quick gratification. I neglect things that have a less noticeable, slow but sustainable result.

I have a tendency to overthink things and I got into my head questioning my motives and wondering if this was a grab for attention. I have recognised that in the past I have been someone who needed attention. I’d tell you otherwise and that I hated both yet I have covered myself in attention grabbing tattoos, was competing in my sports to receive the accolades, I’d never do something small; if I going to enter a run I wouldn’t just do the 10km I’d do the marathon, I entered a 110km overnight paddle race on the Hawkesbury River when I had been paddling just 6 months (I was on a SUP and stacked it at 77km and quit. Ouch for my ego) In rehab I kept the attention on me by loosing 12kg anorexic like while most putt the weight on… Attention attention attention… So i began to wonder if this was another manifestation of that.. You know what it is not. I enjoy this and if others do too that’s great.

I’m back ๐Ÿ™‚

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A Child of the Universe

I hear the call of the birds and I listen. The screech of the white cockatoo, bellbirds tinkle like drops from a melting snowflake and the whipbird sends his call and snap among the myriad of voices from other birds whose names I have not learned. It is quiet and still this morning and I feel like I am the only human soul on the river. My mind clears of the persistent thoughts that deafen my ears and block my sensory perception.

The world bursts to life around me vivid and sharp, a delight of smells, sounds, feeling and colours. My mind is still and I am one and I am all. I am connected, tapped into the universal energy, nature and myself. My eyes take in every detail. The bleached white bark of the eucalyptus and its dry navy leaves. The spindly royal green nettles of the pine and the beauty of the bowing weeping willow. I breathe in the rugged bushland of Australia and deep gratitude fills my heart for the country that is home. The rocks of different sizes, shapes and varied shades of brown and grey line the water and climb the gorge, spotted with green moss, sapplings and the odd spider web dangling below still glistening with drops of morning dew. Swallows dancing together, dipping and weaving, skimming the water’s glassy surface, bring a playful smile to my lips. The colours look brighter than memory can recall in otherworldly brilliance. The soft morning light wraps gently around me with the gentle kiss of an almost indiscernible breeze. I close my eyes listening to the music of Mother Nature, the joyous song of the birds, cicadas singing in unison announcing the arrival of summer, soft lapping of the water and the deep universal silence beneath. My heart fills with joy and love and I breathe a big sigh of content as I recall a piece of Desiderata;

I am a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars
I have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to me, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

photo credit: Chris_Kluepfel MilchstraรŸe_KR_0001 via photopin (license)

Reflection
Kite for life
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Getting back to Water ๐ŸŒŠ

Time for a change of pace here on my blog.

I have an addiction to alcohol and red wine is my poison. I chose the name for my blog as Turning Wine to Water to reflect on my passion for water sports as an integral part of my recovery process. My love of the ocean, surfing, kiteboarding and stand up paddle has been a therapeutic and at times spiritual process. When I am in the water I feel connected. Connected to myself, my inner child, to the universe and I am reminded to be grateful. Grateful just to be alive. What a beautiful journey we are on as spiritual beings, having this human experience to grow and progress our true essence.

I can recall quite clearly a conversation with a girlfriend that took place in my mid 20’s which went something like this:
Me. ‘Do you have a passion?’
Friend. ‘No’
Me. ‘Shouldn’t we have a passion? Shouldn’t everyone have a passion?’
Hmm…

Fast forward 13 years or so and I have been blessed to find passion indeed. It began 11 years ago when an opportunity to learn kitesurfing came my way and from this I have found a passionate love of the ocean, a joy and peacefulness in surfing SUP. On top of this I have discovered a love of writing. God heard my question of so long ago and manifested passion into my life and along with it came the opportunity to travel around Australia, to become involved in the exciting world of competitive kiting and stand up paddle surfing and racing, and to meet many amazing people some of whom have become beautiful, supportive lifelong friends.

Also in this 13 years my alcoholism was progressing to the point of dysfunctional hopelessness (when I drink), but if the only hardship in life I have to endure is the fact that I can not take so much as one alcoholic drink then I think I am pretty damn lucky. What a great big F you to God for endowing me with this fortunate life if I choose to forsake it all for the addiction that wants to see me ruined. When I feel like giving in I must remember to breathe, pray and head to the ocean.

Thank you G. Your will not mine be done.

July Diep
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Respect

Whilst in Vietnam recently I had the pleasure to interview an amazing local girl by the name of July Diep (Pronounced Julie). I had met July previously on two occasions at her business, the local Warrung in Mui Ne Vietnam. Warrung is an awesome Balinese style healthy buffet. They serve unreal healthy food with friendly, happy service. On first impressions July is noticeable to say the least. She is a super friendly, funky looking chic, has the attitude to match and is just rememberable. (Yes I know that is not a word but I like it ok!) I was first sent to Warrung by my kiteboarding friend Joao who is a seasonal visitor for almost half the year to teach kitsurfing. Joao also told me that July was the first female kiter in Vietnam and is still the best. As a freelance writer naturally July was a subject worthy of investigation but little did I know she would make such an impact on me, and hopefully readers.

July is refreshing. She’s no bullshit and a straight shooter. She speaks her mind and bares her soul. I came in for lunch and she sat with me after and shared part of herself with me. Straight away July was straight up and honest. An obvious question for a kite interview with a fellow kitesurfer is how, when, why? July’s answer came straight. In her late teens early twenties she was caught up in addiction. She didn’t elaborate except to say ‘Dark drugs’ and from this I can only surmise ice or heroin. Her parents did their best to get her out of her self destructive lifestyle but were not successful. July took the initiative. She knew she had to change and she knew it required definite action. This inspiring young woman approached a local kite centre. Kiting had been around in Vietnam for about 4 years and July had noticed the dynamic sport. As she explains it herself she knew she needed something that would give her greater feelings than drugs and kiting looked just the ticket. Approaching the centre she offered her services as an administrator in return for being taught how to kite. A perfect harmony and bam! this was July’s beginning. Now she has been kiting for 10 years and has established herself as Vietnam’s premier kitesurfer, she competes and wins everything locally, she holds sponsorship from Rip Curl Vietnam, has found passions in skating and surfing also and lives a happy healthy and grateful lifestyle.

Thank you July, the pleasure was all mine.

http://muine-info-and-events.com/index.php/2016/07/11/warung-cafe/

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Universal Questions

I wonder if you are wondering????

Yes I stated earlier that I have stumbled, well maybe not stumbled it has actually been a lot of work, but let’s just say I have come to Mui Ne Vietnam and somewhere in the bustle among the pointy hats, motorbikes and colourful kites I have found Michelle and some direction. One could say that the training I have embarked on to become a kiteboarding instructor is direction as indeed it is, as is the pursuit of a freelance writing career and successful blogger. However the direction I have found is (well honestly it was so graciously pointed out to me by a mentor, an amazing woman I truly admire) the only direction that I truly need to be headed to be happy and free, is to be on the path of spiritual growth.

Sounds simple eh? One day it will be second nature and just part of who I am and how I live (I am hoping) but in the beginning it takes training. With my keen dedication I am steadily progressing. However a daily application of some simple practices is essential and certainty makes better of my day.

I am a child of the universe no less than the stars and the trees. Oh how I love the Desiderata poem. A belief in something bigger than myself and handing over the director’s hat make life a lot easier and when I stop pushing and have faith my world simply blossoms and I sense all is unfolding exactly as it should.

For this ocean lover there is another lovely string of words I have read that I can not resist quoting here, ‘When I stop struggling I float. It is the law.’

How crazy we are to hang onto behaviours that clearly don’t serve us. I can look at my behaviours and whack in an opposite and bam! On paper they look less appealing than controlling the show but here lies the deception! Now to give is to receive, love to be loved, pay service to be free.

I made a pretty fine mess of my past but not one day would I surrender to avoid some of the pain because each speed hump, mistake, non achievement, sorrow and shame is mine alone and is a mere facet of the whole diamond I am becoming today ๐Ÿ’Ÿ