Image

Faith

I have struggled to grasp the understanding of a creator….

God?
Universal Spirit?
Energy?

In my finite humanness how can my brain possibly comprehend???

But at times I do

I feel it in nature when I am meditating listening to the music of the birds.
I feel it when I am floating in mother natures freshwater arms.
I feel it when I am sitting in God’s hands behind the waves.

I feel it and when I do I feel myself. It makes me want to be good. I believe I am a spiritual being having a human experience therefore to me there has to be a higher power and somewhere to go home to.

I don’t know what it is or what name to call it but I am doing myself an injustice by denying it because of this. I’m guilty of getting all in my head over it making it more confusing than it need be. This is a fruitless parody because I am trying to learn what I can’t completely know. I am getting to know myself and through this experience I am beginning to know a higher power. If I am open and willing all I need to do is stop thinking, feel and have FAITH

photo credit: Brenda.Moe Miss Universe via photopin (license)

Freedom
Image

Soar Like an Eagle

Sometimes (sometimes often) I get so weighed down by my emotions and it is so difficult to sit with it and wait for it to pass as I know all things do. I read a beautiful reading which reminded me I am a human confined to earthly life and emotional disturbances, pain and suffering are all part of this.

If I can remember to turn inward and find calm and if possible have space to sit and meditate I imagine that I am an eagle soaring high above my troubles. Looking down on their earthly constraint I know that I have a choice to learn from the struggles in my path, to rise up and face and to spiritually grow. I remember that I too have moments inn this earthly life where I am at peace and in joy and my emotions are free, soaring high like the eagle.

photo credit: Nanak26 Soaring Humantay via photopin (license)

Drowning in deep water

Deep Waters

He reached out from on high and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters.
2 SAMUEL 21:17 HCSB

My best friend of 30 years sent me a lovely little book while I was away in Cambodia. It’s called ‘Moments of Peace for the mornings’ I flick to a random page each day and the passage gives me cause for reflection throughout the day.

Today’s reading was quite pertinent. I have faith in a higher power but I don’t relate to It as God but the Universal Spirit. I can simply feel that ‘something’ is there directing me, guiding me and keeping me safe. I fail to feel this when I am running on instincts, pushing and pulling trying to assert my will and control. Sometimes when I do this I don’t even realise until I am down deep in a sad and confusing place.

I love using analogy’s of water because it is in or around it that i feel most spiritually connected and at peace. Nothing gives me greater personal security, peace and love than when I am floating being held by the universe, protected and safe. After my release rehab it used to be so important to me to pull myself up in the morning and down to the ocean to swim and float followed by meditation. In my meditation I would sense my inner waters. Sometimes they were as noisy and rough as the ocean, sometimes they were calmer. I would use my time in meditation to wait and receive the energy I needed from the universe to calm my internal waters until they settled still as a morning lake. This routine was vital to me to pull me out of the depression and fear I woke with every day. These days life is much less difficult to navigate but recently I had a little while away from the water (accept the rain there was plenty of ‘that’ water) and the effect on my spiritual and emotional stability was huge!! I plunged into my own well of deep deep water and life of became a persistent become a persistent struggle. I blamed this on the rain because I couldn’t paddle my board on the river, swim, float and immerse myself in the sounds and senses of nature. Nothing was different to what it is accept my ability to perceive and cope. I was drowning.

After a couple of weeks the rain cleared so I grabbed my board and hit the water. As I sat and meditated on a rock in the river Somewhere in the darkness I felt the soft touch of universal light and I felt relief. As I breathed deeply I felt I was breathing new air and like I had been holding my breath for those weeks.

On reflection the lesson I learn out of this is that I can not rely on external circumstances to keep my inner peace. This must come from within and be strengthened by prayer, trust and faith In the universe that everything is as it should be. i always have my internal water I will never go dry.

photo credit: chiaralily Falling via photopin (license)

Aaron Clement Musician
Image

A Child of the Universe

I hear the call of the birds and I listen. The screech of the white cockatoo, bellbirds tinkle like drops from a melting snowflake and the whipbird sends his call and snap among the myriad of voices from other birds whose names I have not learned. It is quiet and still this morning and I feel like I am the only human soul on the river. My mind clears of the persistent thoughts that deafen my ears and block my sensory perception.

The world bursts to life around me vivid and sharp, a delight of smells, sounds, feeling and colours. My mind is still and I am one and I am all. I am connected, tapped into the universal energy, nature and myself. My eyes take in every detail. The bleached white bark of the eucalyptus and its dry navy leaves. The spindly royal green nettles of the pine and the beauty of the bowing weeping willow. I breathe in the rugged bushland of Australia and deep gratitude fills my heart for the country that is home. The rocks of different sizes, shapes and varied shades of brown and grey line the water and climb the gorge, spotted with green moss, sapplings and the odd spider web dangling below still glistening with drops of morning dew. Swallows dancing together, dipping and weaving, skimming the water’s glassy surface, bring a playful smile to my lips. The colours look brighter than memory can recall in otherworldly brilliance. The soft morning light wraps gently around me with the gentle kiss of an almost indiscernible breeze. I close my eyes listening to the music of Mother Nature, the joyous song of the birds, cicadas singing in unison announcing the arrival of summer, soft lapping of the water and the deep universal silence beneath. My heart fills with joy and love and I breathe a big sigh of content as I recall a piece of Desiderata;

I am a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars
I have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to me, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

photo credit: Chris_Kluepfel Milchstra├če_KR_0001 via photopin (license)

Reflection
Kite for life
Image

Getting back to Water ­čîŐ

Time for a change of pace here on my blog.

I have an addiction to alcohol and red wine is my poison. I chose the name for my blog as Turning Wine to Water to reflect on my passion for water sports as an integral part of my recovery process. My love of the ocean, surfing, kiteboarding and stand up paddle has been a therapeutic and at times spiritual process. When I am in the water I feel connected. Connected to myself, my inner child, to the universe and I am reminded to be grateful. Grateful just to be alive. What a beautiful journey we are on as spiritual beings, having this human experience to grow and progress our true essence.

I can recall quite clearly a conversation with a girlfriend that took place in my mid 20’s which went something like this:
Me. ‘Do you have a passion?’
Friend. ‘No’
Me. ‘Shouldn’t we have a passion? Shouldn’t everyone have a passion?’
Hmm…

Fast forward 13 years or so and I have been blessed to find passion indeed. It began 11 years ago when an opportunity to learn kitesurfing came my way and from this I have found a passionate love of the ocean, a joy and peacefulness in surfing SUP. On top of this I have discovered a love of writing. God heard my question of so long ago and manifested passion into my life and along with it came the opportunity to travel around Australia, to become involved in the exciting world of competitive kiting and stand up paddle surfing and racing, and to meet many amazing people some of whom have become beautiful, supportive lifelong friends.

Also in this 13 years my alcoholism was progressing to the point of dysfunctional hopelessness (when I drink), but if the only hardship in life I have to endure is the fact that I can not take so much as one alcoholic drink then I think I am pretty damn lucky. What a great big F you to God for endowing me with this fortunate life if I choose to forsake it all for the addiction that wants to see me ruined. When I feel like giving in I must remember to breathe, pray and head to the ocean.

Thank you G. Your will not mine be done.